“life will be better in spring”

April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011

hais.
okay, i'm (considered) quite happy today.
and there's this BFFs thing going on. lol.
i slacked a lot today.
i didnt make use of any free time..
i'm PREPARED to die for mid-year!
*bang the walls* :{

kekekeke. i failed NAPFA 2.4km run!
doesn't really matters to me..
i fail it every year.

was tagged..




1. Beside your lips, where is favourite spot to get kissed?
how would i know..?

2.How do you feel when you wake up this morning?
disgusting.

3. who was the last person you take picture with?
humans.

4. Would you consider to be spoiled?
yes. otherwise i wouldn't be this weak.

5. Would you ever donate blood?
depends. i'm afraid of blood.

6.Do you have a good friend of opposite sex?
no. maybe they would even dislike me.

7.Do you want someone dead?
no. it's stupid of me if i do.

8. what does your last text msg said?
dont wanna tell.

9.What are you thinking right now?
my ass. lol. kidding. my legs ache.

10. Did you wish someone was with you right now?
who? i wish i do.

11.What time do you go to sleep last night?
12am.

12.Where do you bought your tee shirt you are wearing now?
dunno.

13. Is someone on your mind right now?
no. wish there's one.

14. Who was the last person who text you?
zy.




well, as for the rest..
no need to write alr since there's no one for me to taggg...
-.-





so emo today.
i don't want exams.

birthday is the stupiest thing.
it's still a day. normal day, with another name.

i hate it when ppl speaks as if they know me, as if they know the reasons behind the things i do.
but i know some really do understand too.
so, yeah, random.

yeah yeah. i'm the worst person on earth can.
everything i do is wrong.
everything i say is inaccurate.
everything i did was inappropriate.
yes, i take each and every word seriously.
from i-dunno-when.

someone asked if i missed my childhood days.
yes, to some extent, yes.

tsk. actually i wanted to put 'innocent days' which is by hitomi also.
but i can only find a 30s song from imeem.com -.-

stupid. i nearly broke down in school today. -.-
the tcher was talking crap. whole lot of crap.
stupid.

okay. here's the not emo stuffs alr...

watched 17 Again.
when we entered the cinema hall, it was damn scary.
no one's inside.
super scary.
if the lights inside weren't green in colour, you would have seen my face turning green.
i'm really afraid of this kind of thing..
very very scared.
so i started distracting myself by listening intently to what adeline was saying.
i'm always darn afraid of this kind of thing.
so people who're beside me will see me going desperate and if it is a far worst situation, i will start crying and beg people to comfort me.
lol. stupid right. one of the weakness i have.
and one which i really cannot hide.

well, it's a nice show.
ZAC EFRONNNNNNN.
he's really cool on his first day of school at Hayden High(i think).
handsome. lol. okay.

zero word on my piece of paper.
my essay gonna go down the rubbish chute alr.

the one thing i've said this week which i find it real true.
'homework are like shit that cannot be flushed down the toilet bowl.'

i really need to sit down and study again!
to the library again, pleaseeee?

i'm such a bad person.
i wish i can trust people wholeheartedly.
not that i don't, but i mean, seriously WHOLEheartedly.
whenever i got excited at one thing, i calmed myself down and reminded myself of the disappointment i might get at the end.
whenever i got really happy talking to someone, i thought of not being able to continue talking like this one day in the future.
whenever i wanted to open up, i didn't have the courage to.
and whenever i got so negative and start spouting nonsense, and bothering and troubling other people so that they need to encourage me, i feel so guilty because i know that i should stop all that so that i won't be pestering them, but i just can't do it.

i need all those, i really need.
worth..
i realised that i've forgotten about it even though i reminded myself of that in order to comfort myself..
i can't differentiate what's worth it and what is not.
damn confused, it's getting messy.

i know i'm not even living for myself.
i don't even know what i want.
yeah, money is one thing, what's another? happiness?
i'm way off the track.
}:

how. from sec 2 till now, i've had least impressions on happy things that happened before.
all i know is i'm unhappy.
}:

now i only know that i need to study..
but i wanna laugh too.
but i'm so used to being negative.
okay, this is my fault alr.
:( :( :(

i'm a stupid emo.

ytd's chinese compo was difficult to write.
went back home to take my textbooks after sch and went to the library to study.
and i'm not alone. haha.
i'll emo a lot when i'm alone.
it's nice studying like that.
cos i'm not alone studying, and i was just doing work only, plainly studying.
but it's cold. shld have brought along my cardigan.. -.-

hais. i cant help Hais-ing.
it's irritating.
i'll nvr reach happiness. -.-
last remedy left. but i will nvr nvr nvr get it.

suddenly i was thinking about the good laughs i had in sec 2 when i'm not emo yet.
and oh, there were laughters even when i was an emo, when there were funny ppl around.

okay.
i'm not good at comforting.
-.-
cos i cant even comfort myself.
but, well, try.

hais.
i should stop being so mean.
feel so damn guilty over so many things..

have to look at the bright side of life.

okay, i was the one who locked it up.
i kept changing myself because i seemed so dumb whenever i think of the past self.
i didnt dare to be too happy because i know that when something goes wrong, i'll be even more unhappy.
i didnt dare to experience a lot of things and emotions because i'm afraid that it'll hurt eventually.
the more i mind about one thing, the more afraid i am.
stupid la. what dumb things i'm rambling about.

i'm trying to climb a hill.
it's still just a hill, not even a mountain yet.
but the higher i climb, the easier i can come tumbling down, and the less improvement i will make.
and one small stone, not rock, can cause me to trip and fall low.

okay la.
i'm PETTY.

one more thing,
i won't be polite when i can't tolerate anymore.
continue, continue.
just continue.
i wonder when my 'erupting' day will be.

















nearly break down today, in class.
nvm. no one will believe anw.

i'm disliking ppl now.
but that doesn't mean that others don't dislike me.
so what rights do i have to dislike someone.
i hate disliking ppl.
but i can't help it.
feel so bitchy.
i tolerated.
still tolerating.
and i dont know when i will 'blow up'.
i feel so childish grumbling like this.

why am i online everyday?
cos i need to play.
i need to blog.
otherwise i'm afraid that i will either 'break down' or 'blow up'.
shiat.
i just feel like leaving this place.
i hate all these feelings i have now.
why am i unhappy?
i dont know why.
not just because of results, but of other things as well.
so what am i supposed to do?
i wanted to feel happy, but i couldn't, it's as if i'm used to sadness alr.
i felt depressed, i give gloomy faces everyday, and ppl will sure get pissed off.
furthurmore they have their own problems and i have my own unhappiness,
so i can't keep bothering and irritating ppl.
(okay, annoying part is what i think of myself is.)

okay.
now i'll just be random..

i can't stand sarcasm and insults.
so the easier way to offend me is to criticise the person whom i respected most.
random statement no. 1.

2.
i dislike 7th of may.
not attracting attention.
but i dunno what i dislike it.
i feel like i'm some sort of jinx.

3. how did i become so emo.
i know when i did, but how?

4. it's a troublesome day.
i hate it.
because i'm a troublesome person.

5. i want to learn wushu.
no la. kidding.
it's impossible.
i'm too weak. szs.

6. i want to learn how to play drum sets.

okay.. one interesting story which i just know..

when ah gong was small, he sold you tiao and he took these you tiao from an uncle.
then one time somebody took ah gong's supply of you tiao alr then he refused to pay him the money.
so he became angry.
okay, then i dunno whether it's that person who refused to pay money went to hit his head or ah gong hit that person's.
shld be the person go hit ah gong's head.
and that person told him that if he's unhappy, come back and find him when he has grown up.
sth like this uh.
then ah gong like became angrier or sth.
he went home and told his father that he wanted to learn Wushu.
and his father said, "you, can or not? if you want to learn, you'll have to stay in the temple." (shld be temple i think..)
then he really went to learn Wushu and it took him years to master it.
after years, he told his master that he missed his family, so he wanted to go home.
(i think he lied or sth. lol.)
okay, so by that time he has alr grown up.
so he really went to find that person and beat him up.
but in the end they became friends.

end of story.
hahaha. this is according to what my mother just said.

so, life IS this dramatic.
haha. not bad eh.
and today when the bus went passed the place with the 'shao zhong shan' flag at the entrance.
crap, i cant recall what the full name is... -.-
such a cool ah gong.





shiat. now i feel so guilty for not studying and being hardworking..
HAIS.

hehheh. choir got silver for SYF instead of gold.
not bad, not bad.
okay. nothing much happened today.
i wanna watch 'shinjuku incident'!
but it's too violent..
nvm. watch '17 again'.
woots.
it's Labour Day next friday!
and oh no, MYE is approaching.
oh my god, have not prepared or revised anything yet.
hais.

yays. june holidays are approaching too.
i hope we can go Cherating.
okay. sry, i'm not being hardworking..
so guilty everytime this kind of thing happens..
-.-

no weak coward anymore.
no more tolerance if i really can't take it.
no more bearing with it if i really want to speak up.
and no more being so darn emo.
yeap. strike strike strike.

i'm being so bitchy.
i hate it when i kept complaining like some pain in the ass.
i hate talking behind ppl's back but i did it and with sarcasm.
zzz.

i'm being so bothersome.

laa.

no emo.
laugh, smile, giggle.
:D

went through english oral today.
i did a bad job.
emotions nearly took control of me.
why must she ask, "Tell me about one elderly relative of yours?"
why is it that i thought of him immediately and my mind went blank or ideas became so disorganized.
i know i wont have any tears anymore but i think my eyes were red for a moment.
darn it.
bad job.
shouldnt have mentioned him.
was so reluctant talking abt him to others not because of some negative reasons.
but he's still around.

haha. okay. was craping all the way again.
lol. she was peeved when JC related her to D.
lala. cant say she's petty. cos i am too.
but this kind of things..??
ugh.. you spread my rumors anyhow and now you're actually pissed off by JC?
furthurmore, its just JC and you're my friend yet u just anyhow spread those kind of rumor?
gossip.
eww.
so sarcastic.
i dont know if you've noticed it or not.
it's just foolish to me.
don't wish to say these, but, i really cannot stand sarcasm.
and i don't mind if your topics don't interest me, but isn't is tiring and boring to keep gossiping abt the same person u dislike?
can't stand it.
now i can't stand myself too.
ughhhhhhhhhhh.........

okay. fine.
happy things happy things..
hmm.
there one, i think i improved for oral!
not good, but there's improvement! :D
hais.
how to stay happy when i lead this kind of life?!
alright.
i like and yearns for SATURDAYS.
they're the best!
okay.
stick to this idea.
dont get influenced.
dont think too much.
just stick to it.
otherwise i would begin hating saturdays too.

and haha. the person sitting next to me is quite funny.
although i still cant really understand whether his character is good or not because of several reasons.
okay la, i'm being bias.
but he's a really funnaye person.

WTH.

TODAY IS FREAKIN' HOT Y'KNOW.

THE HIGH TEMPERATURE IS KILLING ME.






shiat.. can't help posting all these..

i saw this place, the familiar place and the place where i've pictured in my mind for the past few days, on the tv.
so it reminded me of that scene again.

i stumbled upon a blog.
same thing happened.
i was reminded of what happened and my behaviour.
i was like an idiot. even until now, i still am.
i fought against the emotions. but i ended up losing them after a short period of 'fight'.
now i am like one being emotionless. and i'm conscious that 'being' and 'pretending to be' is totally different. but which is happening now i don't know. confused.
some important emotions were lost too.

scenes, images, voices appeared in my head sometimes, so suddenly.

okay, maybe these sounds weird but i'm just not being straightforward.
alright, that sentence might sound even more random.
nvm.

ihatemyselfwhenidontstudy.

don't die off without trying! gogogo!!

i think i should learn from Kushieda Minori.
haha. she, together with Kawashima Ami, are my idol!
lol. no, just kidding. i sound weird like this.
but i like those two's characters.

i want to buy coloured skinnies! but i'm too fat. :(
i want to buy 1 pale orange, 1 pale green and 1 brown striped cardigan from GAP! but they're so expensive.. :((
i want to buy the puma watch that is worth over a hundred dollars. i shall feel very guilty after purchasing it. :(((

i'm even more afraid of monday's ENGLISH ORAL!!

omg.
i love this new blog.
haha.
it's simple but full of colours.

nothing much happened today.
only joke was that jc was asking around what 'pandan kekenan' means.
then i said it was 'pandan coconut'.
and since he kept asking what it was, i told him it was 'kaya'.
jeesh.
that's all.
omg. it is almost 1am alr.

hahaha. today was funnaye.
jc started throwing things at v and then the staple bullet war declares.
i was the one supplying those staple bullets.
okay, damn guilty know.
cos ms lim was going through chemistry SPA with the class.
so now i'm having the fear that i won't be able to do well for this week's spa.
well, it has a been a long time since i ever laughed from the bottom from my heart and it lasted for so long.
jeesh.

i hate school.
i feel like giving up on my homework, my tests and all already.
if not, i feel like giving myself a few tight slaps.
*sighs*