“life will be better in spring”

April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011

i will make that feeling go.
yes, it was what i yearned a few months ago,
but now, due to the present circumstances,
i think that it's probably time for me to grab the shield and put on a mask again.
because.. i do not want to see this current idiot chi1 kui1 at the end of the day..
i don't care whether i'm going to be selfish or not, trustworthy or not, hypocrite or not, mature or not.
i only know it is what i should do.
protect myself.
but of course, there's no need to act when facing those who're good to me.

oh okay, i side-tracked.
i will make that feeling go, by a bit of force.
yeah.
i'm serious.
yes yes, most importantly, i'll stay away. it's the best method.
:D i know it will surely work out.

everything's my fault.
i'm the cause of everything.
i deserve no happiness, no more laguhters, no friends.
because i am the one who created so much troubles, i should bear them myself now.
i am probably making ppl miserable.
i probably make them feel wei3 qu1.
i deserve all the sadness, it should be kept within me.
i should never let them out.
because it's my own problem.
maybe i should leave.
i'm too extra.
i shouldn't make other people's life tough, just because mine is.
i should never and i will never want people to sacrifice for me.

i don't like this.
i'm not trying to make a fuss out of it.
i just feel like i'm a burden.
and i hate that feeling.