“life will be better in spring”

April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011

i'm going to take my life as a bet.
i'll try attempting things that are risky.
but still, i'll try not to give up also.
although i hated my own existence.
hehe. i'll do this untill when i love this world.
:D




exams are coming!
and i'm still slacking. hehe. it's prelims you know!
i think i am mad, fancy me not studying and wasting time like this. -.-
i shall score for three B4s for english, chinese, and social studies!
not easy, since i've been scoring D7s for ss all along. -.-
hardly even a borderline pass grade. right, wth.
oh well, as for physics and geography, i am targetting for B3s.
and lastly, i only have eyes for A1s for both amaths and emaths, as well as hoping for an A1 for chemistry.
mannn, tough job tough job. (fine, it's just that i'm too stubborn to study hard and write plus think fast during exams. me to be blamed, me to be blamed..)

so ytd we went to orchard and then to suntec to buy v's presents.
a and i dined in at Just Noodles.
initially wanted to bowl, but ended up taking bus from suntec to jurong east.
from there we traveled to Singapore Polytechnic by mrt.
walked around, joked about. feels weird. -.-
went home after walking around in the campus, and this is the 3rd time for me to set my foot in it. hehe.
two shots in the net for me before going home. haha.
since how long have i not throw a basketball?

i have come to realise that, One Piece can be quite cool too. hehe.
ytd's bleach and and one piece were touching. ):
good guys always tend to appear like they're the bad ones.

OH MANNNNN, lemme say something:

I LOVE DRUMS! FREAKING COOOOOOOL, OMGGGG.
I LOVE GRAFFITIS, OMG.

I WANNA OWN A PASTRY SHOP AND FLOWER SHOP NEXT TIME.
WELL, JUST KIDDING.

DRUMS DRUMS DRUMSSSSS. OMGGGG.

oh i wanna change my blog link. haha.

lemme first start about what happened on thursday, which was e-learning day for us.
slept late at 2am and woke up at 9am. cool~
went to temple for a short while and i left to go to novena to take v's early-birthday cake.
reached cc and we had cake for breakfast. nice. haha.
i was shamed, for not running when playing badminton.
well, at least i did jump.
haha, i really hate running, though i sort of like badminton.
think i'll only run and play propely when i get serious, which is also when i get agitated. -.-
the more badminton i play, the worse i get.
i'm gonna learn to jump higher, be more accurate, hit the low balls, and react faster.
hope nothing forbids me from playing badminton again.
alright, so after badminton, we walked to shaw plaza and had lunch at kfc.
i finished last, so i got the stares from everyone. -.-
it was raining hard that day.
returned home and omg, it's time to study. hais.
slept at 12am, and woke in 4.30am just to study geog. fantastic!
because even this is so, i'm going to flunk that test!

alright, so on friday, nothing much happened.
except that my dark eye rings are going to get deeper and something pierced through under my skin.
right, i freaked out.
this is one of the worst fear i have.
swear it, cos i almost cried in class, and my palms sweat so much and hand went so numb that i felt that i couldn't pull that freaking thing out.
in the end i did though, with something still left under my skin, in my flesh..
i have no idea what to do with it now.
this whole thing reminds of when i tried to put ear stick through my earhole, but failed.
haha. idiotic kid.

FRIDAY'S BLEACH WAS HILARIOUS MAN!
so funny that i kept laughing out loud!
hahahaha.

oh yeah, on thursday i saw the trailer of New Moon.
i think it'll be better than twilight. :\
plus bella and edward are going to be seperated.
...
k, kidding.

well, so today we had dinner at shaw plaza's Sakura.
woah.. damn full. hais.
during mid-year examinations, he borrowed my ss sec 3 textbook.
while now, during prelims, i borrowed his ss sec 4 textbook.
lol.

hais. how come my mood can be spoilt so immediately?
all of a sudden, i felt like picking a fight, or what, quarrel?
i mean, i didn't feel like talking in a way that's friendly.
argh. i mean, as in, normally i AM hostile already, so if i wanna talk nicely, i have to put in extra efforts and..
right, so yeah, that's all.

i'm scared, that i will lose control of my mind.
i know it was tough for me to learn how to be patient and less demanding.
i'm still trying to behave like that.
but what if one day i can't take i anymore and just spark off another conflict?
that's idiotic y'know.
i always think that one has to bear responsibilities for one's own words.
it's difficult, i know.
that's why sometimes i prefer keeping quiet.
i think i've gotten used it keeping silent, after all, almost sixteen years have passed with me being like that.
and, just within two years, i confirmed that the more one grows, the more depressed he gets.
troubles, problems, they're what everyone will face, and what ppl will keep facing.
so i guess it is just how we deal with them and perception of them that matters.
as in, if something bad keep happening, will you just continue being unhappy for the whole of your life, or face it and get over with it as soon as possible?
i'm trying. really. trying to treat myself even better or be braver.
but i don't want to do it at the expense of others. and this happened once. the very first time i tried to be optimistic.

'love does not belong to me'.
haha. there're reasons.

'if you shut your door to all errors, you are shutting out truth too.'

ah, that cousin of mine, always very confident.
haha.
i'll just do things that satisfy myself now?
that's selfish, i know.

craps again.











































lilium speciosum












anthriscus sylvestris










cardamine pratensis










campanula gromerata










camellia japonica










hydrangea hirta













camellia sansanqua!













saxifraga stolonifera










rhododendron palustre









rhododendron schlippenbachii













gelium verum










fatsia japonica













lily of the valley










kerria japonica


WTH.
now nozomu's becoming bad.
souichirou's becoming concerning.
and that dumb sumi is starting to like souichirou.

what a tiring week.
sleep is very very important okay..

i feel like changing my blog link again. LOL.

how can i improve geography?!?!?!
nick say it's just memorizing and then copy & paste.
lol. but i just cannot do this.

lemme blog about things that happened for the past few days:

firstly, i dreamt of myself firing a gun at two people.
twice at the guy, once at the woman..
sicko.

secondly, we went to book badminton court on wedneday.
WTH!!
we went to whampoa cc to book, then they say the courts cannot be used on saturday.
hence, we met v at NKF and walked to toa payoh stadium.
WOOOOOO. this is the best part. haha.
we have to climb over the metal railing. lol.
so i just stepped on the bar, stood on top of the railing, and jumped down. cool can.
but before that i had to wear my pe shorts. -.- lucky we have pe on that day.
we walked to tp stadium's booking office, but no appropriate timing also..
so we went to safra. but, it's still the same there.
WTH. we walked back to tp stadium again and then they say bishan also left 7.30-8.30am only!
called k and asked him to come tp stadium.
then we made him go to whampoa cc. lol.
climbed over the metal railing again!
but in the end, we did not manage to book ANY badminton court.
wl. super tiring.

oh, that day i did a survey conducted by mediacorp.
then someone from mediacorp called me yesterday.
wonder why they're asking so much for the nursing job thing or whatever.

mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn! i'm getting very very irritated by all those homework.
i must do emaths and english today.

i want to cut my fringe alrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
but super lazy to. -.-

been reading manga recently.
hehheh.
Hadash de Bara wo Fume.
the story plot makes me feel like cursing the male character lo!
and that female also.
sumi was a poor girl, then she weeped on the street one day when she had no money to take her sibling to the doctor.
so that time, she liked nozomu when he offered her his hankerchief and gave her some money.
after this, souichirou bought her with money when sumi's brother owed debt to someone else.
later on, the story says that he's just using her to get rid of his competitor- nozomu's family company.
because nozomu likes sumi and sumi likes nozomu too.
but souichirou married with sumi alr.
then he kept making use of her and treated her coldly.
yet sumi avoided nozomu and tried liking souichirou cos she thinks themselves as true husband and wife.
but after that i think he fell in love with sumi. -.-

stupid guy.
naive girl.
crazy one.
nvm, i like stories like this. -.-
haha.

wl. i just found out something.
cb. (i'm sorry that i've been very vulgar recently.)
so things turned out like this.
haa. he ought to be reprimanded.
he's an idiot can.
i don't care who he is to me.
i don't even know why i exist.
whatever, that's not the main thing.
someone like that has no shame in what he is doing.
i don't even think he knows how much people around him has done for him.
he cannot even do basic things.
he doesn't off the lights in the toilet or bathroom after using them, doesn't wash the dishes with initiative....
does things according to what his mood is. idiot.
GRRR. he's fortunate alr lo.
so am i. cos i live my life, he lives his, he isn't supposed to interfere with mine, and i wouldn't care about his.
FREAK. AND,
every time he smokes, i feel breathless and i have to take in deep breaths so that i feel better.
wtf. he's trying to shorten my life span.
no values for me to learn from, no money for me to take, no love(not towards me) for me to see. TSK.
my ass.

no matter how dangerous a weapon is, if it's owner isn't determined or hard enough, it will not bring any harm.
however, even if a weapon looks, no matter how, harmless, it can still kill as long as the owner is cruel enough.
:D

I FLUNK MY O LEVEL ENGLISH ORAL!
this time i am serious.
flunk alr. die..
i regretted not being serious about it..
my mind was totally blank yesterday.
i made no effort in thinking about what to say.
):
sorry. (to myself.)
hais.....

I WILL NOT DO MATHS TONIGHT.
haha. i've been doing so much maths that my friends know i'm doing it everyday, one called me a freak and my mother asking me why am i doing only maths everyday.
-.-

i think i am mad.
i'm looking for pictures of flowers now.
and i'm reading up on a bit of their information instead of reading my textbooks.
i also realised something.. the plant kingdom is really tough to study and understand, plus there are too much profound names.

tsk.. no matter how much i hated the world outside, no matter how freaking ass badly i felt, flowers will always look beautiful.

i never knew tulips (tulipa) could be this mesmerizing.

this is the third time.
damn smart.
even ppl who treats me in the suckiest way hasnt make me do this.
good one, really.

hands are still shaking. -.-
it got worse today.
what's wrong with my muscles..
weird.

for a long long time, i've never got so peeved and angry that i almost cried.

can't you just believe that i'm someone bad? fickle?
you know how heartless i can get, you know it.
just take it as i like someone else, alright?
forget about such a person.




):

i wondered, if my brain is stronger, or my heart?
i mean, i not referring to whether i will live without my heart or brain or not.

i love my veins. haha.
especially those that come popping out.
...
really. (:
so cute.

i wanna draw draw drawwwwwwwwwwwww.
wtf. haven't been drawing for a long long long time.
oh, i only drew a pink flower on a's book that time.
that's all i did.
-.-
damn moody.

O. level's. english. oral. is. on. next. monday.
wth..?
i'm doomed, i'm doomed!
SLEEPY. TIRED. CRAZAYE.



TSK. i hate choi min hwan!
he plays the drums so happily and, as if easily.
makes me so damn jealous.
haha. kidding~

hehheh. my 'brother' is so funnaye.
just by looking at his face, i'll laugh.
lol. but.. hais.
oh well, he's a caring friend after all.

i'm so tiredddd.
please know that i'm a wicked person.
yes yes, just stay away from me please.

i'm sorry that i'm used to depression.
haha.

i lost the red packet which he gave me this year.
i eff-ing lost it.
how could i lose it?
i don't know where i've left it, and i don't know if someone has taken it.
now i'm left with memories.
and i ought to recall them often.

some scenes are still in my mind.
if only time pauses, i won't live in such depression.
neither will i begin getting used to or longing for dejection.
there's nobody to be blamed, except for myself.
it's a blessing, when a grandfather brings his little grandchild to school.
haha. fine. i'm sorry. i'm rambling again.

my mind always make me believe things that my heart will never believe in.

friday
left for malaysia last friday at around 12am.
wlllllllllll. it was DAMN DAMN DAMN tiring for me!!
i don't know my JY they all didn't sleep all the way till we reached Klang.
so i slept on the car. fortunately, i brought my monkey along!
i wanted to bring banana too, but, not enough space.
when i woke up, i found out that we were reaching alr.
and when we reached, it was 4.41am. THE COOLEST TRIP I HAVE EVER MADE TO KLANG.
after bringing the belongings up, continued sleeping like some log.

saturday
woke up at like 11plus?
wl. not enough sleep. ):
had brunch and then wentfor shopping at Jusco, and JY and sist went to cousins' house.
bought a dress and a pair of shoes.
haha. FINALLY.~
walked untill around 4/5+ and headed home to prepare for night's dinner.
i wanted to study for today's chem test.
but, i fell asleep on my chem textbook...
i tried reading okay!
at least i finised going through the exercise behind macromolecule chapter before i layed my head my the textbook..
then i woke up realised there was till time left, so i went through the tampines paper since there was answers.
after that, bathed, then a while more we left for dinner.
that idiot JY, kept tapping on my watch.
hahaha.
reached the restaurant. wl. a lot of people.
damn cool. grandfather's birthday.
i don't even know how many tables my aunt booked.
JY kept complaining cos he was hungry.
and then i don't know what happened, he broke a chopstick unintentionally.
LOL. IT WAS SUPER HILARIOUS.
then he broke it into three parts.
he gave one to my sist, one to me and kept one to himself.
so i tried breaking the chopstick too.
and it really was broken into two parts.
then we returned the broken chopstick to JY and he said he wanted to complain to the manager. haha!
then finally they served the food.
and the food wasn't warm..
whatever.
saw qiangqiang and his sist.
haha. actually i don't know what's my relationship with them, but i remember that we used to play together in the past, and with JY of course. (:
everything was the best when i'm just 3-6 year old kid..
and i meant EVERYTHING.
i drank no alcohol during this trip!
what a good kid.
tsk..
and i talked to yongyong only, i mean, i didn't talk to his brothers.
haha. this kid. damn funny one. even funnier and cuter in the past..
tsk. his voice changed. not cute like last time alr.
he's boastful!
dinner ended at around 12.
but my aunt they all went somewhere else to drink and eat.
while i have to go back home all because of that sist..
ruined my mood.
at home, i could only face the chem textbook. but i just buried my face in the book and gave up and went to bed.
i think they came back at 2am.

sunday
woke up and felt tired again.
lunch at jusco's korean restaurant..
expensive meal.
walked around the shopping centre again.
bought nothing.
went home.
suddenly i experience chest pain. i think i'm too unhealthy..
yeah. just let me die.
went back home.
i couldn't help but fall asleep on the sofa again.
woke up, bathed, had an awesome dinner.
headed back to singapore at around 11pm.
so i reached home at 3.30am.
SUPER COOL AGAIN.
haha. my cousin was even more super.
he sent us home and went somewhere else to do stuffs.

whooo. done.

the trip wasn't that nice.
cos didn't talk much with JY.
haha. he's always a very funny person.
my physics! too bad he's in JC. otherwise my physics would have improved with him being my tuition teacher. tsk.

i must study.
i must study.
i must study.
i'm going to keep very quiet in school.
i'm going to isolate myself. haha!

sometimes, i really wonder how people can love someone untill they're dead..
seriously.. i don't understand.

when neither being honest nor telling lies are appropriate,
the best thing to do is to shut up and stand aside.
that, i'll do.

i realise that i can be so dangerous.
haha. so since i can't change myself easily and immediately, the best method is for me to stay away from people.

i didn't hand in the english compo today..
but i'm serious about english, i swear!
i don't want to fail my english during O levels!
really!

it was horribly hot in the morning, furthurmore the whole school was in the hall.
after that, some classes went down for carnival thing.
and then finally can sit together. haha.
but there were weird ppl behind. -.-
blah blah blah.

then it was our turn to go for the carnival.
THE WHOLE THING JUST SUCKS TERRIBLY.
grouping sucks even more. -.-
whatever.
hehheh. saw my flower-shit junior.
funny person.
haha.

went to suntec after school.
walked and walked from marina to suntec.
waited 30 minutes outside swensens' because it was fully seated.
and then dp came. (:
but they made it so awkward. -.-
nvm~ after finishing lunch we didn't know what to do.
hais. i'm a bad friend after all.
then we finally decided to come to whampoa to play badminton.

woah. damn stuffy in the CC's hall!
but well, i've got a sweet friend. lol.
anyway, 'like that' is lonely, and 'like this' is happy!
haha.

for i-don't-know-how-long, i have not heard anyone telling me to 'must eat!' for so many times.
haha. i like the feeling. i guess i'm just used to it.
i realised i'm like a kid whenever i'm eating.
cos others will have to ask me to finish everything and wait a long time for me to finish my food.
haha.

adeline tan, be happy. (:

going to malaysia later.
i will miss my friends!
haha.

what if one day i suddenly step onto a road and get crashed by a car?
haha.
i almost convinced myself to do that a few months ago.

i'm going to overcome all the obstacles.

i'm freaking tired today .
but i can't sleep yet.
have to finish an english compo..
hais.

i want to die. (:

i'm positive enough now,
to be able to love studying,
to appreciate my friends,
and to .... now.

wow wow wow.
i've been losing appetite, and couldn't sleep well for two or three days!
this period has finally come again~~
today is the worst.
ate nothing for breakfast, didnt finish the rice during recess (might not even eat if ppl didn't ask me to. haha), ate a butterscotch ice-cream from Macs for lunch, ate a prata for dinner(when there're more food to eat).
but it's really cool like this.
ahahaha. cos my mass decreased. :D

look at the title!
thanks ADELINE TAN, for always sacrificing yourself for ME.
haha.
and that got you into troubles for a lot of times, and you always sacrifice time for me when you have sth you need or want to do..
hais.
*guilt*

i'll balance it.
i'll try to balance out everything!
studies, friendship, relationships with families and ahem.
yeah.
okay.
i don't want to lose anything of course.
and i know i won't lose you as a friend.
but i still ought to balance everything out right!
it's a MUST.
(:

i just realised..
that i will lose a lot of things as time moves on.
i hate it.
if there's nothing serious, i will only lose some possession of mine.
but, as days pass, i will start to lose myself, my character, my values, and most importantly,
i will lose people.
people i respect, people i trust, people i like, people i love.

0208.
i hope nothing changes.
cos i really do not want to lose anything.

what the hell..
i feel hot.. as in body temperature.
almost had a fever.
my temperature was 37.1degrees in the afternoon, luckily it didn't rise furthur.
moreover, i have been sneezing recently and randomly, for no reason.

spent my day at home.
woke up as early as 9plus in the morning.
couldn't sleep well last night.

at around 5am, there was a couple quarreling downstairs.
the woman shouted and shouted.
she disturbed my saturday's night sleep.
WTF.
when i was waken up by her, i felt like throwing things down at her.
inconsiderate.
she could have quarreled in the afternoon(after 12nn), just talk nicely or quarrel at somewhere else.

i have no CREATIVITY at all.
O. M. G.

i selfishly seperated my monkey and banana for days.
i remembered last night that, they ought to belong together.

i got back what i initially lost,
and now, i'm just afraid of losing ...
i'm serious.
i never play with this kind of thing.

fine. i sound sick.
i am, anyway.

went to Ion orchard and then to Haji Lane yesterday.
Flora by Gucci smelt like oranges.
i thought it would smell more like flowers since it was named Flora.
bought a dress at bali lane, which just a street next to haji lane.
saw these words being sprayed onto the walls of haji lane,
"Social issues will never rest."
yeah, of course they won't.

i'm not going to be that dumb goodie anymore.
trust me.
i'm getting really impatient.
hot-headedness.

five more days and i'm off.
away from this asshole place temporarily.
but when there are the 'pros',
there are the cons.
haha.

i'm waiting~