I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

“life will be better in spring”

why?

Saturday, August 29, 2009 || 8:37 AM

oh i wanna change my blog link. haha.

lemme first start about what happened on thursday, which was e-learning day for us.
slept late at 2am and woke up at 9am. cool~
went to temple for a short while and i left to go to novena to take v's early-birthday cake.
reached cc and we had cake for breakfast. nice. haha.
i was shamed, for not running when playing badminton.
well, at least i did jump.
haha, i really hate running, though i sort of like badminton.
think i'll only run and play propely when i get serious, which is also when i get agitated. -.-
the more badminton i play, the worse i get.
i'm gonna learn to jump higher, be more accurate, hit the low balls, and react faster.
hope nothing forbids me from playing badminton again.
alright, so after badminton, we walked to shaw plaza and had lunch at kfc.
i finished last, so i got the stares from everyone. -.-
it was raining hard that day.
returned home and omg, it's time to study. hais.
slept at 12am, and woke in 4.30am just to study geog. fantastic!
because even this is so, i'm going to flunk that test!

alright, so on friday, nothing much happened.
except that my dark eye rings are going to get deeper and something pierced through under my skin.
right, i freaked out.
this is one of the worst fear i have.
swear it, cos i almost cried in class, and my palms sweat so much and hand went so numb that i felt that i couldn't pull that freaking thing out.
in the end i did though, with something still left under my skin, in my flesh..
i have no idea what to do with it now.
this whole thing reminds of when i tried to put ear stick through my earhole, but failed.
haha. idiotic kid.

FRIDAY'S BLEACH WAS HILARIOUS MAN!
so funny that i kept laughing out loud!
hahahaha.

oh yeah, on thursday i saw the trailer of New Moon.
i think it'll be better than twilight. :\
plus bella and edward are going to be seperated.
...
k, kidding.

well, so today we had dinner at shaw plaza's Sakura.
woah.. damn full. hais.
during mid-year examinations, he borrowed my ss sec 3 textbook.
while now, during prelims, i borrowed his ss sec 4 textbook.
lol.

hais. how come my mood can be spoilt so immediately?
all of a sudden, i felt like picking a fight, or what, quarrel?
i mean, i didn't feel like talking in a way that's friendly.
argh. i mean, as in, normally i AM hostile already, so if i wanna talk nicely, i have to put in extra efforts and..
right, so yeah, that's all.

i'm scared, that i will lose control of my mind.
i know it was tough for me to learn how to be patient and less demanding.
i'm still trying to behave like that.
but what if one day i can't take i anymore and just spark off another conflict?
that's idiotic y'know.
i always think that one has to bear responsibilities for one's own words.
it's difficult, i know.
that's why sometimes i prefer keeping quiet.
i think i've gotten used it keeping silent, after all, almost sixteen years have passed with me being like that.
and, just within two years, i confirmed that the more one grows, the more depressed he gets.
troubles, problems, they're what everyone will face, and what ppl will keep facing.
so i guess it is just how we deal with them and perception of them that matters.
as in, if something bad keep happening, will you just continue being unhappy for the whole of your life, or face it and get over with it as soon as possible?
i'm trying. really. trying to treat myself even better or be braver.
but i don't want to do it at the expense of others. and this happened once. the very first time i tried to be optimistic.

'love does not belong to me'.
haha. there're reasons.

'if you shut your door to all errors, you are shutting out truth too.'

ah, that cousin of mine, always very confident.
haha.
i'll just do things that satisfy myself now?
that's selfish, i know.

craps again.