“life will be better in spring”
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Friday, May 14, 2010 || 7:28 AM
so much things have been bothering me. judo exco ppl friends him studies tests. that kinda mean everything. yeah i laughed hard thanks to my classmates. but i couldn't even force out a smile when i see those seniors. it's even worse when i saw him, furthermore it was from far.
i feel so stressed. emo. frustrated. don't know what to do. constantly being reminded of how useless i am, wanting to give up once more cos i dunno how to hang on. it's always so discouraging. really wish i can make the BAM sound cos that means i can throw alr, really wish to have the capability to amaze coach and throw some seniors before they leave, really hope to enter local universities. you know i emo, but most of the times you don't know why cos i can't say. i thought you'll at least keep me from thinking about reality, but everytime when we aren't talking, it's you who left me in reality again. then i will be left to face all those things that haven't been going smoothly. and yet, i'll still be distracted, by YOU. i really feel damn stressed now. no matter where, when or what i'm doing, i have the urge to cry. it's even becoming scary when there are received messages because i'm so afraid that they aren't from you. i wanted to cry so many times today. and you're not there. at least ytd when i felt bad, you still made me wanna laugh. sry but i have no idea how to present myself now. neither do i know how to survive while waiting for your sms. (if only you'll still text me..)
