“life will be better in spring”

April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011

i feel so... inspired.
how does it feel when everyone has heard of you, even if you might not have met them before..?
how does it feel.. when you have a really good reputation..

so many many times, this thing kinda works:
just keep avoiding until one day the thing, which you were avoiding from, is not gonna haunt you anymore.

onew = funny.
tae min = cute.
minho = cute x3.
yoo geun + minho = CUTE TTM. SERIOUSLY.

omg choi minho is super cute. lolol.
the SHINee virus is spreading to me, soon. ):
HAHAHHA I LIKE THE WAY MINHO, JONGHYUN AND ONEW REACT TOWARDS YOOGEUN. FUNNY. REALLY.

alright.. i should be either sleeping or doing PW. emo.

omg i'm starting to be attracted by buff guys. lol wtfreak.
hope my arms ache tmr. if they don't, it means today's gyming session is a waste. :\

wtfreak i really have no idea what i've been doing recently.
i'm serious when i say i'm sleepwalking. it's really like i'm dreaming and not living.
lemme give you an example:
last night i slept for 5h, so today i came home early to take a 2h nap. but then my mom called me on my phone suddenly so i woke up and answered the call. i think she asked me where i was and told her i'm at home. then i forgot whatever she said but the main thing is, i told her i'm going to school later. WTFFFFFF. then she went, "Huh?! go school? so late already still go school?!"
i replied, "huh, now what time?" "6plus, going 7 already." i didn't realise i slept for an hour or so only, i thought i slept through till the next day. WTFFFFFFFFFFFF. i still thought, "wtf how did i sleep so freaking long that i've missed school." THEN I REALISED IT'S STILL 26 OCTOBER. NOT 27 OCT. SML, FML!!

tired ttm.
getting fatter as days pass by.
getting bigger, as in buff, too.
getting even more frustrated with stuffs.
feeling lifeless, aimless, no motivation.
freak.

he's going to hkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. he's going overseas againnnn. admire him ttm omg.

if DM had added me earlier as in starting of the year, i would have beamed with happiness, i swear. haha..

F.T guys becoming handsome again. (:

FREAKK!! MY 5-MEALS-PER-DAY DIET PLAN HAS FAILED FOR TWO DAYS!!
4 MORE WEEKS TO GO!! ):
MUST BE STRICTER WITH MYSELF ALREADY.

what the hell. train/ defined muscles = guy/ lesbian? FREAK!
all fats i've accumulated in my arms over the past few years are freaking disadvantaging me, they're making me look big.
maybe i should totally don't train biceps and just concentrate on abs and triceps.
triceps are hot okay. see those defined triceps of the dunno what natalie in step up 3?
abs, not that much. but i think it's much better and healthier than big tummies.
-.-
anyway it'll feel good to make guys feel inferior because of my muscles. HAHA k joking only. will scare ppl off.
actually i don't have to gym too much. i'm doing this simply bcos i've got no confidence in my skills and i'm depending on strength... not good. i don't wanna be strength player.
but i can't be the weakest in the team. anw, gyming is to tone body too.
OMONAAAAAAAAA.

OMOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANT F.T ISLAND. THEY SHOULD GAIN MORE SUPPORTERS, MORE FANS. I DUNNO WHY MOST PPL LIKE DANCERS. IT'S LIKE F.T COULDN'T GAIN MORE POPULARITY COMPARED TO THE OTHERS COS THEY ONLY PLAY INSTRUMENTS. IT'S OKAY ANYWAY, I THINK DRUMMERS AND ELECTRIC GUITARISTS ARE THE COOLEST. :)

oh andx3 , i don't have eye candy rn.
i've decided to make him MY SECOND IDOL. :)
admire him ttm, seriously.
i think he's damnnnnn cool, awesome, good (as in good in judo) and cute. hahaha. :x




OMOOOOO!!! I DREAMT OF JONG HUN THIS MORNING WHEN I WOKE UP AND GOT BACK TO SLEEP AND WAS ALMOST LATE FOR SCHOOL.
but cool, that was the best and sweetest dream i've had this week.
F.T OPPAS COMING TMR HAHAHA. *gross*

i hope i don't dream of you again.
otherwise i'll feel that i'm sick.
haha.

have been so tired and lifeless and so f-ed up with life that i can't differentiate dreams from reality.
everyday i'll drag myself to school, but i feel like i'm in my dreams.
every night images keep playing in my mind, in my dreams i feel like i'm in reality.
freakkkkk. why is this happening againnnn.

and, is it me losing more and more people and things, or is it just me shutting people out again?
i feel like i'm losing people around me...

ohgawd i want a necklace from tiffany & co.
but i shan't go shopping rn.

omgomg i felt kinda, a little bit of, just a little excited when pokethepork followed mey on tumblr. LOL CRAZY.

wl one bullshit comes and all the other bullshitS come as well.
lucky i have friends whom i can really talk to. otherwise i'll freaking just feel like dying.
talked on phone for 2h last night. this hasnt been happening for dunno-how-many-decades. i'm old enough to die.
okay crap.
i freaking freaking tired.

i seriously can't freaking pretend. i can't pretend that i can face you. neither can i freaking pretend that i didn't see you.
freaks.
FREAKS.
FREAKSSS!!

and i just hate people, who scold vulgarities at me, TOO MUCH.
too bad. no more "goodie good friends" anymore.
well done. so awesome.

jonghyun damn handsome. P:
OMG SHINEE COMING THIS FRIDAY.
OMG BIG BANG COMING THIS FRIDAY.
OMG ZE:A COMING THIS FRIDAY.
OMGOMGOMG F.T ISLAND COMING AGAIN, THIS FRIDAY!!!
I'LL GO TO THE AIRPORT IF GOT TIME. :]

todayxzxz ishhh a suckiexz daiiexz.
bored ttm. at least didn't have 'emo ttm'.
school next week ends at 4pm everyday except for friday thanks to pw. -.-
i'm thinking of indulging myself in rented movies.. sianxzxz.

sent my phone for servicing. WHICH MEANS,
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DELETED.
INCLUDING
CONTACT NUMBERS.
and messages.
k who cares about messages right.
i hate it when i have to key in everybody's numbers again and sometimes i'll miss out some people's.
-.-
and then some friends' numbers i can get from friends, but seniors' numbers need to ask from seniors. >:

i hope i'll only miss you at times.
it's better than thinking of you ALL DAY LONG.
:>
some seniors graduated. means not all did. sighs.

fcuk i wish there's somewhere i can run to.
a place where i can hide without worrying too much,
a place with someone who'll hug me and tell me what i want to hear.
seriously just fml.
it's not mood swing i swear.
it's what i've ever wanted all along.
it's like water is overflowing.

forget about I&R. i'm not in the damn mood to do it.

there was this sudden thought, sudden feeling: no one knows me.
the real me isn't who i am now. maybe i look happier, maybe it's good for me to be who i am now. but it's just not me.
i'm that cool, cold, depressed, stubborn, ignorant, selfish and lazy person. i've always wanted to and been trying to be who i should be. and it's not making me any happier.
nobody really likes "long term" loneliness i guess.
it's just that different people has different ways to deal with the loneliness.
i think i've been forcing myself to feel contented.

guess the insecurity and low confidence + self-esteem are eating into me again.

i'm so ugly.
i wanna cut my hair. seriously. although everyone says don't cut. i kinda blame all those emo-ness on my hair.
i feel so full right now i want vomit.
i'm broke. fml.
i just feel like cursing and swearing right now.
i don't know what to feel.

i feel like blogging but i don't know what to blog about.
perhaps the emptiness is occupying me again. [:

how to plan farewell party for seniorssssss?

were you trying to do anything? like getting the msg of "you're a junior." across me or sth?
maybe i'm thinking too much.
blah blah blah.

i don't want to study!!! three more papers to go. hate this feeling- the insecurity, laziness, guilt and all.
i want to go takashimaya and eat everything i can. :} bought poh doh doughnuts the other day and they were awesomeee. ate venezia too.

it's so obvious that my heart beats for you.

so i'm halfway through promos..
time flies. the year is gonna end soon, especially after OP exams are over..
what have i been doing?
what am i doing?

still not over anything yet. heart still races. fml.

omg i just realised for chemical engineering needs physics and bioengineering in NUS doesn't require H2 pass in Biology for 'A' level? is it true? omg if can i would like to aim for bioengineering instead of chem engineering already. And i can forget about Pharmacy in NUS liao, need H2 Biology. -.- Medicine still okay, chem and either phy or bio. so confusing, i wish someone can like tell me what's the difference between pharmacy and medicine?!?! no mood to google. and then there's this science school in NUS.. SO CONFUSING!!!

anyway, the problem now is, i don't know whether i can promote or not. -.-

this song keeps playing in my headddddd. and i've just downloaded kris allen's version of it.

dinner with ah ma just nowxzxzxz. :]
i think i ate a lot. maybe i'll be even happier if he was there too.
well, gonna treasure what i have now.
and i haven't visit him for months, almost a year? O: D: }:

you can dislike me, but don't make a fool out of me.
you can don't fall for me, but don't toy around with me.

the more i see, the more stupid i feel. and when i feel stupid, i feel angry too. (:

i wanna cut my hair short next year or probably at the end of year 2010, if i find something nice. [: gonna start anew, whether i retain or not, again (cos i failed this year. wts. thanks so much to someone lorxzxzxz).